How 2020 has been different, a special kind of different
Hey, how are you? It’s been quite a while since we last caught up. You’re asking what I’ve been up to? Well, not a lot honestly.
When we did the new years countdown with our friends, celebrating with everyone around, I had this bulletproof sense of purpose that can be observed within heroes in movies and young, dumb college freshmen. I was sure that this year is going to finally be the year I break out of the endless cycle of sleep, study, eat, and repeat.
I wanted my life to finally be like the ones we see on screens. A new and improved chapter.
Guess what this year has become? New, definitely. Improved? Well, you can kind of guess. We all spent what was supposed to be 3 weeks in quarantine, which slowly turned into 6 months without even noticing. At first, it was great to finally have a break from this busy life, being able to relax a little and find something interesting to do. But soon it was just me and the spiders hiding in the corners of my room.
If this mess of a year has taught me anything, it’s that when I try, I can find something to keep me entertained, even if it’s just for 3 hours. I’ve always had this mindset that I’m not doing enough, I’m spending my time properly, wasting it almost.
Today is the day that Melbourne finally returned to its ‘original’ state. We have people at malls, outside coffee shops waiting for expensive bean water, and finally smile in peoples eyes when we finally have some human interaction.
It felt like I knew that this day would come and I’d still not be satisfied. Like how I just knew this wouldn’t last. Maybe it wasn’t the social distancing and quarantine driving me insane, but rather, myself finally having the guts to test me, to make me question everything about my life.
Each morning I wake up I look at overpriced rent prices online, looking for the perfect little apartment where I see myself in the future. There would be close to the city, there I could finally learn to bake without setting off the fire alarm every 20 minutes. Who am I kidding, I’m probably never going to learn how to bake, but the point is this is all just escapism. But I can’t stop but think that maybe life would be better someplace else.
Maybe life isn’t easy anywhere now. Maybe life isn’t easy anywhere ever. But maybe life isn’t dark, dull, and in a square box that is way too overpriced.
If only I could just write out this year with a beginning, middle, and end. To be honest, I don’t know when it started, when the conflict was, or if this would ever end. The truth is that whatever year we’re in, it’s always messy, lovely, confusing, good, bad, and everything in between.
I think that quarantine has put me in this position of, just trying to get to the next week that now with all this room to breathe, I’ve forgotten what it’s like. Now that life is ‘normal’ and I don’t have a real reason as to why I stay in bed until 1 PM thinking about nothing and everything. That’s the hardest part.
How am I supposed to continue with this, I ask Siri, but some things, even Siri can’t answer.
But sometimes I’ve been doing ok, good even. Enjoying moments with friends, but at the same time, I just want to scream. What the actual fuck is going on. Everything is so different yet everyone wants it to be normal, acting like nothing has fucking happened.
If I hear my professor start their email with, in these unprecedented times one more fucking time, I’m going to lose it.
I don’t know how to end this, it’s hard to end an article like this. So I’m just going to end this with, I hope I’ll be back with more normal articles and a regular posting schedule, it’s been hard for everyone and I wouldn’t say it hasn’t affected me. But for now, I’ll try my best.